We are heading towards the end of this semester. So plans for the next semester start. it seems like we will still be here at the shop through next semester. So no living changes that we can see. I've been pretty sick these last 2 weeks, but i have been trying to treat it without the use of antibiotics. Using lots of vitamins, decongestant, and PROBIOTICS- they are amazing. just praying now for this nagging cough to leave me as it is hard to sit through classes/church/sleep. praying that forrest doesn't catch it from me. thank God he is healthy and has a strong immune system.
Forrest's 27th birthday just passed. We didn't do much but I got him a Milton book from the 1930s- he's stoked for lack of a better term. :) We are hoping to have at least SOME recreation time over the summer although we are taking classes throughout the break. We went to an amusement park together on friday for the first time EVER together. We had a blast- thanks to our friends Kelly and Jared who really blessed us by getting us into the park with them. We were so blessed to hang out and just have some good fun. We were of course wiped out and had headaches, we sure aren't little kids anymore! Tonight we went to see a shakespeare play in the round "measure for measure." although i coughed throughout, it was really a fun experience. forrest and i got dressed up too! plans for the summer? hoping to take many beach trips and surf and climb more. i am still a rock gym virgin- a little scared to go. i like being outdoors on real rock, but forrest wants me to go so... i guess i'll try it out.
So convictions as of late? praying for my husband daily. I really pray that God prompts me to have a servant's heart- a praying heart, a heart that longs to see good things in our life, to see good things flowing from him and through his heart. He and i are not such friendly people when our flesh is in the way- and it is most of the time. I can read God's word constantly and feed off of the fellowship that I get from my sisters in Christ- (which I really do have to fight for) but i think that i leave him in the dust- alone with his homework, without fellowship, without relaxation, without the sense of being safe in the home which we have made for ourselves. i think the problem is- we feel so temporary where we are, so unsettled. so while i'm struggling to keep afloat, i'm letting him sink. That is NOT good. nor is it the place to which God has called me (as a wife) to be. Two are better than one- i should make him my priority. I need to remember that all the aspirations or things i want to or try to do for myself are meaningless if i let my husband drown. I need to pray for godly fellowship, pray for his time with Jesus, pray for his time in prayer and for his time management, for our relationship, for money, for future plans. he carries a heavy burden for both of us, i take that for granted and just want to forget all of it and just hold him. but that doesn't work- that doesn't help his soul.
I miss the boy who won me over, that kid who had nothing but the word of God coming out of his mouth, who could remember scriptures like the back of his hand. who wore flannels and Velcro shoes and looked like a lumberjack. who was sold out for Jesus. who served others and took great loss to himself to do so, and did it all with joy. the boy who loved me and wanted to be a good husband one day. the one who was scared to tell me he loved me but was so bold as to tell me that he was sure i would be his wife. i miss that- although i keep thinking that that boy is gone and i'm left with this man who i see as SO different. Life has made him different, i have made him different. He's still all of those things he was before, but he's buried beneath the homework, the bills, the stuff his wife throws at him, on top of his own issues.
all that being said- i recap. i need to commit him to prayer DAILY. if i am not praying for him, who is? it would do my own heart good to ask God to give me compassion for him, to lift him up when he's down, to be a willing, helping hand, to carry my own weight and his too if need be. we need to become a people who bring supplications and requests before the Lord, surrendering our will to His every day. i think we would be different (in a good way) if we did.
its late, i'm off to bed. more later. Love you all.
<3 Ambee
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Weary.
Lately i've been full of laziness. Just so tired, not wanting to cook, clean, go outside, find job, do my cousework, even continue my education. Will i EVER be a good wife? will i EVER be sent to minister to people of another nation? will i ever finish school? will forrest and i make it? Spiritually, my heart has been lazy and i feel like my flesh has become this 500 lb shell that i keep dragging around with me everywhere i go. it makes me tired, out of breath, too tired to run any longer. I feel thirsty, my mouth feels dry, it chokes me and i can't speak.
I feel like this is the end, will i ever make it out of this alive? how much time can I take to recuperate? Nothing big has happened, no life changing thing has crossed my path. Just time away from my God, too much time doing whatever i FEEL like doing. ugh- beware of feelings. Whatever i should do, i don't do... i do what i hate.
I read my old blogs from before I got married. I was so different then. Maybe in a good way. just so focused, even though i was in the midst of hard times, i managed to stay focused on God. How did i get here?
As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, While they continually say to me, "Where is your God?"
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, And from the heights of Hermon, From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, And in the night His song shall be with me--A prayer to the God of my life.
I will say to God my Rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a breaking of my bones, My enemies reproach me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God. - Psalm 42
Have you been feeling dry, worn out, weary, like God is far from you and you don't know how to get back into sweet fellowship with him? REMEMBER the truth. our flesh is wicked and the enemy roams about like a lion seeking to devour you. God is never far, don't let emotions drain your faith. Remember that God has been with you through 6 tests, he will indeed be with you through 7. He has been clear on how to get back to him. We need to cast aside every weight and sin that so easily ensnares us and run with endurance the race which is set before us. draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
everyone says the same things "go to church, read, pray" over and over again. DON'T do it out of repetition or some formula, be compelled by the gospel. remember the great hope that we have, the heaven which awaits us where the lamb of God is the light. The new heavens, the new earth- perfect and without sin or blemish. So with this, fellowship with others, dig into the word of God- that is how He speaks to His people.
Pray, ask of God. remember that he cares for us. although he knows our frame- we are indeed as dust. But he loves us, he draws us to himself. Draw near not because you feel down, but because He is worthy. Look up to the mountains, to the oceans that roar-- if we don't praise His name, even the rocks will cry out! I want part in praising Him, i owe him my life.
It doesn't matter where you stood 5 minutes ago or even where you will stand 5 minutes from now. He has set before you death and life... CHOOSE LIFE. don't give up the fight, it is by grace, not works.
If you don't have a church or anyone to talk to or have questions, please call me, message me. I care about your heart and about your soul. Things aren't supposed to be perfect. these trials and tests are good. We need help to pass them, to learn from them. we simply can't go it alone, nor are we meant to.
-Amber
"Come, let us return to the Lord, for He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day He will raise us up, that we may live before Him . Let us now press on to know the Lord; His going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as spring rains that water the earth."
- Hosea 6:1-3
I feel like this is the end, will i ever make it out of this alive? how much time can I take to recuperate? Nothing big has happened, no life changing thing has crossed my path. Just time away from my God, too much time doing whatever i FEEL like doing. ugh- beware of feelings. Whatever i should do, i don't do... i do what i hate.
I read my old blogs from before I got married. I was so different then. Maybe in a good way. just so focused, even though i was in the midst of hard times, i managed to stay focused on God. How did i get here?
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, While they continually say to me, "Where is your God?"
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, And from the heights of Hermon, From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, And in the night His song shall be with me--A prayer to the God of my life.
I will say to God my Rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a breaking of my bones, My enemies reproach me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God. - Psalm 42
Have you been feeling dry, worn out, weary, like God is far from you and you don't know how to get back into sweet fellowship with him? REMEMBER the truth. our flesh is wicked and the enemy roams about like a lion seeking to devour you. God is never far, don't let emotions drain your faith. Remember that God has been with you through 6 tests, he will indeed be with you through 7. He has been clear on how to get back to him. We need to cast aside every weight and sin that so easily ensnares us and run with endurance the race which is set before us. draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
everyone says the same things "go to church, read, pray" over and over again. DON'T do it out of repetition or some formula, be compelled by the gospel. remember the great hope that we have, the heaven which awaits us where the lamb of God is the light. The new heavens, the new earth- perfect and without sin or blemish. So with this, fellowship with others, dig into the word of God- that is how He speaks to His people.
Pray, ask of God. remember that he cares for us. although he knows our frame- we are indeed as dust. But he loves us, he draws us to himself. Draw near not because you feel down, but because He is worthy. Look up to the mountains, to the oceans that roar-- if we don't praise His name, even the rocks will cry out! I want part in praising Him, i owe him my life.
It doesn't matter where you stood 5 minutes ago or even where you will stand 5 minutes from now. He has set before you death and life... CHOOSE LIFE. don't give up the fight, it is by grace, not works.
"Come, let us return to the Lord, for He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day He will raise us up, that we may live before Him . Let us now press on to know the Lord; His going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as spring rains that water the earth."
- Hosea 6:1-3
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