We are heading towards the end of this semester. So plans for the next semester start. it seems like we will still be here at the shop through next semester. So no living changes that we can see. I've been pretty sick these last 2 weeks, but i have been trying to treat it without the use of antibiotics. Using lots of vitamins, decongestant, and PROBIOTICS- they are amazing. just praying now for this nagging cough to leave me as it is hard to sit through classes/church/sleep. praying that forrest doesn't catch it from me. thank God he is healthy and has a strong immune system.
Forrest's 27th birthday just passed. We didn't do much but I got him a Milton book from the 1930s- he's stoked for lack of a better term. :) We are hoping to have at least SOME recreation time over the summer although we are taking classes throughout the break. We went to an amusement park together on friday for the first time EVER together. We had a blast- thanks to our friends Kelly and Jared who really blessed us by getting us into the park with them. We were so blessed to hang out and just have some good fun. We were of course wiped out and had headaches, we sure aren't little kids anymore! Tonight we went to see a shakespeare play in the round "measure for measure." although i coughed throughout, it was really a fun experience. forrest and i got dressed up too! plans for the summer? hoping to take many beach trips and surf and climb more. i am still a rock gym virgin- a little scared to go. i like being outdoors on real rock, but forrest wants me to go so... i guess i'll try it out.
So convictions as of late? praying for my husband daily. I really pray that God prompts me to have a servant's heart- a praying heart, a heart that longs to see good things in our life, to see good things flowing from him and through his heart. He and i are not such friendly people when our flesh is in the way- and it is most of the time. I can read God's word constantly and feed off of the fellowship that I get from my sisters in Christ- (which I really do have to fight for) but i think that i leave him in the dust- alone with his homework, without fellowship, without relaxation, without the sense of being safe in the home which we have made for ourselves. i think the problem is- we feel so temporary where we are, so unsettled. so while i'm struggling to keep afloat, i'm letting him sink. That is NOT good. nor is it the place to which God has called me (as a wife) to be. Two are better than one- i should make him my priority. I need to remember that all the aspirations or things i want to or try to do for myself are meaningless if i let my husband drown. I need to pray for godly fellowship, pray for his time with Jesus, pray for his time in prayer and for his time management, for our relationship, for money, for future plans. he carries a heavy burden for both of us, i take that for granted and just want to forget all of it and just hold him. but that doesn't work- that doesn't help his soul.
I miss the boy who won me over, that kid who had nothing but the word of God coming out of his mouth, who could remember scriptures like the back of his hand. who wore flannels and Velcro shoes and looked like a lumberjack. who was sold out for Jesus. who served others and took great loss to himself to do so, and did it all with joy. the boy who loved me and wanted to be a good husband one day. the one who was scared to tell me he loved me but was so bold as to tell me that he was sure i would be his wife. i miss that- although i keep thinking that that boy is gone and i'm left with this man who i see as SO different. Life has made him different, i have made him different. He's still all of those things he was before, but he's buried beneath the homework, the bills, the stuff his wife throws at him, on top of his own issues.
all that being said- i recap. i need to commit him to prayer DAILY. if i am not praying for him, who is? it would do my own heart good to ask God to give me compassion for him, to lift him up when he's down, to be a willing, helping hand, to carry my own weight and his too if need be. we need to become a people who bring supplications and requests before the Lord, surrendering our will to His every day. i think we would be different (in a good way) if we did.
its late, i'm off to bed. more later. Love you all.
<3 Ambee
my sweet, sweet ambee... oh wubs, i've been feeling the same way. i so long for the spiritual intimacy that bud and i once held. but i know that i put undo pressure on him to lead and do more, when i should be praying for that desire to come, for that growth and intimacy to start. i know i have my own part in the problem. if i'm not praying for my husband, i'm not only hurting myself, i'm hurting him. we are one flesh, we have responsibility to one another. i know that i am failing in praying, in bringing prayers of supplications and requests to God. i know that i'm not covering bud in prayer as much as i should be.
ReplyDeletehow can i expect him to want to lead when i don't show him that i desire that in my day to day actions. we are our husbands helpmates and while they have the responsibility to lead the family, to be the head, to lead us to Christ; we have our responsibility to help them, to cover them in prayer, and to be a gentle spirit that our husbands can feel safe to come to.
people say marriage is difficult and i agree it is. living and sharing life with another person always has its difficulties. and christian marriages are no exception. however, i think the bulk of the difficulties in a christian marriage, (and really any marriage, but non-christian marriages wouldn't agree) are a result of sin... and sin corrupts and wounds. i'm praying for both of us and for any other women who feel they need to be better at covering their husbands in prayer, in prayers for the future, in prayers for a gentle spirit.
also - bud says he wants to set up regular skype dates with you and forrest. where we can chat, fellowship and stay connected. they don't have to even be long talks, but regular is what we want to go for. :) because then we have regular fellowship with one another! what do you think? i love you so much. you are definitely my kindred spirit and i thank God for you. love you, wubs.